Things you SHOULD NOT say to people with depression
- Fabian Wegener
- Nov 6, 2017
- 2 min read
When we speak to our friends, we usually speak freely and don’t think twice about the words that come out of our mouth. Being frank and sincere is essential for friendships, but it can be very hurtful for people with depression – and we try to cheer them up with flippant comments and fortune cookie philosophies. Fact it: those who are not suffering from such a mental disorder will have a hard time understanding the damage well-meaning phrases can actually cause.
In October 2017, a tweet went viral by a German Twitter-user named “@deinTherapeut” , which means “your therapist”. He collected a selection of various phrases that people like to “throw” at depressed people. In order to ensure that people understand what is "wrong" about the phrases, he gives a short explanation afterwards. Are you ready for some nerve wrecking examples?
“Come on, just pull yourself together!”
His comment: Dejection and avolition are symptoms of the depression. You would not advise a person with a cold to try to “stop coughing”, would you?
“I don’t understand how you can suffer from a depression. I mean, your life is going quite well, isn’t it?
His comment: The disorder is the result of a chemical disorder in the brain. There is no need for “objective reasons” as a justification for the disease.
“I get that you’re sick. But truth is, there are always people who are worse off than you!”
His comment: Subjective suffering is certainly not oriented towards a “social ranking”. Being sick is not a competition.
The young man behind the tweets is "Norman". He came in touch with mental health issues through his work at a telephone hotline for depressed children. In an interview with a German newspaper, he stated that he started the tweet-thread cause he felt that mental diseases like depression are still being socially stigmatised. «I think that nowadays, we should have come to the conclusion that their occurrence is just as normal as any other „ordinary“ disease», he said.
Unfortunately comments like the ones above show the strong prejudices against mental disorders – and social stigmata are very likely to be the reason why so many people still prefer to go and see a general practitioner instead of a therapist. After more than 800 Re-tweets and dozens of likes, Norman started a new thread: “Let’s collect all the things that we can say instead. How can friends, family members and acquaintances help?”. A very «tricky thing», as he admits – but a «great chance for people to share on social media first-hand what really helped them in dark times».
His advice as a summary: Show the person affected understanding and empathy. Offer your help – but don’t force yourself upon him or her. And one of the most important things you should say: “What is it that you need right now?”
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